Starting a Website When You’re Terrified

(Hint: A little Xanax helps.)

Starting a website, or any new venture, is often scary.  Nerve racking for many.  Some anxiety is normal.  If you’re determined, you push beyond your fear and do it anyway.  As one mentor so eloquently put it: “Frack Fear”.

Well. . .

there is fear. . .

. . .and then there are things with numbers.

You know, the ones that begin with “300” and come out of a little book called the DSM-IV – the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.  I’ve got at least a half dozen of them, including PSTD. When I get fearful, I don’t just get a few butterflies in my stomach. I get a full blown panic attack!

So what the HELL am I doing starting a blog?

I asked myself that question so many times over the past two years it has taken me to finally summon up the courage – or the insanity – to launch my site.  I thought I was delusional for thinking I should even consider it.  That it was just another instance of dissociation, or being out of touch with reality.  Better make an appointment with my therapist.

There were times I thought I should be “realistic”. Find a low-stress menial job, live in a cheap apartment, watch TV and live on microwave dinners.  Lots of people live that way.  What’s wrong with that? There’s no rule that says life has to be a certain way.  There’s no rule that says you have to strive to “be a better person”.  Accept what you’ve been given and just chill.

Boy that’s tempting.  But when I played out the scenario further, another vision came to me.  I could accept not being happy – content would do.  That’s not the issue.  But the thought of spending the rest of my life watching “Dancing with the Stars” – that would put me right over the edge.

If figure, if I’m going to end up in a mental hospital, I may as well get there doing something a little more interesting.

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